Zombieing: The Dating Trend That Makes Ghosting Look Like a Warm-Up
Zombieing: The Dating Trend That Makes Ghosting Look Like a Warm-Up
You know the drill. You meet someone. Things click. You dare to think, “Maybe this ones different.” Then—poof—they vanish. Ghosted. You grieve, you move on, you delete the apps. And just when youve finally reclaimed your peace, your phone lights up at midnight with a text from the person who put you through all that. Youre not dreaming. Youre being zombied.
For those who havent had the pleasure, zombieing is the dating trend where a ghost—someone who abruptly stopped all communication—resurrects themselves to half-heartedly rekindle the connection. Its not the flesh-eating kind from Shaun of the Dead, but it can feel just as terrifying.
One writer for The Brussels Times, Isabella Vivian, knows this dance all too well. After two great dates with a man in Brussels and a third one booked, he suddenly went radio silent. Days before the date, nothing. She wondered if something awful had happened—a family death, perhaps. But when he updated his Hinge profile and posted on social media, the truth was clear: shed been ghosted. Two months later, just past midnight on Tuesday, 5 May—exactly two months to the day—her phone lit up with his name. A long apology, riddled with remorse, followed. He claimed a complicated backstory and hoped for forgiveness. “Easters over bro,” one friend joked. “Why do they be rising from the dead?”
And then, in another twist: when she returned to the chat hours later to reply, the messages were gone. The ghost had ghosted again. Within 12 hours, hed gone from apologising profusely to disappearing all over again.
The Spectrum of Digital Dating Disappearing Acts
Zombieing isnt an isolated phenomenon. Its part of a growing lexicon of dating trends that sound like they belong in a sci-fi movie but are all too real. Dr Janneke Schokkenbroek, Assistant Professor of Health Psychology at Erasmus University Rotterdam, has researched harmful technology use in romantic relationships. She defines ghosting as “ceasing all communication without explanation.” In one of her surveys, a staggering 93% of individuals reported experiencing it.
But ghosting has cousins. Orbiting is when a ghost still engages on social media—liking your posts, watching your stories—without direct contact. Dr Schokkenbroek calls it “particularly challenging as there is a lot of ambivalence (explicit absence mixed with implicit presence).” 88% of people in her survey had experienced that.
Then theres breadcrumbing—sporadic, non-committal texts designed to keep you tethered without real effort. Benching is when someone keeps you on standby while they pursue other options, giving you attention only when it suits them. And submarining or zombieing? Thats when a ghost re-emerges after months, often right when youve finally accepted theyre gone.
Dr Schokkenbroek admits theres little scientific research on zombieing—no prevalence rates—but she believes its “quite common.” “The coping gets tough because someone keeps reappearing after longer periods of time, often around the time when you have grown to accept that you wont hear from them again.”
Why Do Ghosts Rise?
The reasons behind zombieing are murky. Dr Schokkenbroek suspects boredom, another romantic connection not working out, a need for validation, an avoidant attachment style (craving intimacy but fearing vulnerability), or plain emotional immaturity. The behaviours themselves—wanting validation, avoiding confrontation, keeping someone close without committing—are age-old. But social media and the age of immediacy have made it easier than ever to pop back into someones life.
“Nowadays, [many of these phenomena] are much more prevalent and identifiable,” she says. “Its quite clear when someone doesnt respond to you for weeks, whereas a couple of centuries ago, letters probably took ages to arrive.”
So what do you do when a ghost comes knocking? Dr Schokkenbroek says it depends. “If they re-emerge with an apologetic attitude and a valid explanation, taking responsibility, you could consider giving them the benefit of the doubt and continuing the communication or connection. But you dont have to, of course.”
If they return unapologetically, acting as if nothing happened, you can explicitly state youre not interested. But engaging can also be a “powerful boost to their ego and a signal they still have some hold over you” if theyre seeking validation. “I generally do not advocate for ghosting or avoidance in communication, but in this case, it truly is also okay to not respond at all. Protect your peace.”
Protect Your Peace (Or Dont)
As for Vivian? She decided to reply to the deleted message. “So, whats the complicated backstory?” she wrote. Was it mature? Probably not. Was it funny? Absolutely. The next day, she got a brief apology and was told complicated meant complicated. A week later, more late-night texts asking to start over. Tinged with sadness, she said it was too late for that, but offered to talk it through over coffee. She hasnt heard from him since.
All in all, a confusing and unnecessary exchange. But if youre reading this, Mr Ghost, she thanks you for adding drama to a mundane Monday night—and for inspiring another column.
Maybe shes wasted as a journalist and should become a medium, because clearly she has a knack for summoning spirits.
So the next time your phone buzzes at midnight with a name youd long buried, ask yourself: do you want to be the bigger person? Or do you want to be entertained? Lifes short. Protect your peace—or dont. Just know that the choice is yours, and you dont owe a zombie a thing.
Have you been zombied? Share your story in the comments.
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Mike Brown
Mike Brown – One of those authors who helps readers not get lost in today's news flow. He dives into political affairs as well as world events, social trends, and everyday stories that matter to everyone. The main focus of his work is fact-checking, clear language, and the ability to lay out the key points so that the reader gets a comprehensive and reliable picture of the topic in just a few minutes.
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